Booze couldn’t save these blueberries

Seven years ago (!!), during The Picky Eater Chronicles’ famed original run, I tried a blueberry not once but twice. First while in Ireland (coerced by peer pressure), to a tepid response, and second in Jersey with a conclusive distaste for the small but mighty berry.

I really wish I had reread those blog posts before deciding to give blueberries another try this week because they may have jogged my memory. All I could remember was feeling that blueberries couldn’t be trusted because of how much flavor was packed into such a tiny fruit.

But I thought that all my personal growth over the last seven years might’ve gotten me over that obstacle, allowing me to see blueberries in a new light.

Clearly I thought that before bringing home a carton of blueberries from the store. Because once they were in my fridge, I realized how little I wanted to eat one. This blog post is coming to you several days late because I dragged my feet popping one in my mouth for many days.

In the end, I decided the best incentive for me would be to add booze. As picky of an eater as I am, I’ve never been shy about trying new drinks. Go figure.

So using only ingredients we already had on hand, I treated myself to a series of blueberry cocktails. The results were undeniable.

The booze

I’m calling drink #1 a Tropical Blueberry Fizz (cute, right?). It was muddled blueberry (or, more accurately, smushed-with-a-fork blueberry), tequila, and pineapple seltzer over ice.

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Next came a Blueberry Mule—vodka, blueberries, and ginger beer in a fancy copper mug.

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Last was the Boozeberry Slushee—a frozen (and vibrant) concoction of blueberries, frozen raspberries, honey, and gin.

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The verdict

OK so some of these drinks were more blueberry-forward than others. The Blueberry Mule was easily my favorite and also easily the least berry-flavored (coincidence? I think not). The flavor would’ve been punched up more if I had made a blueberry simple syrup on the stove, but I’m not mad that I didn’t.

To be fair to the Boozeberry Slushee, the blueberries were actually not the problem. I was thoroughly enjoying the slushee until I realized that all the gin had collected at the bottom. The gin was, indeed, a problem for me.

And as for the Tropical Blueberry Fizz? It was fine… I probably would’ve gleaned more of a flavor from the berries if I hadn’t avoided the muddled mush at the bottom of my glass like the plague (it was the first drink of the night—I was still warming up!).

While witnessing my hesitant blueberry cocktail experiment, Picky Boyfriend, who also doesn’t like blueberries, posited “How could anyone enjoy them?” (enabler much??). But to his credit, he offered to eat one berry with me #fortheblog. So yet again, I found myself in the same spot I was in seven years ago, eating a single blueberry. And we have Picky Boyfriend to thank for it.

My bite transported me to many a disappointing mornings when the sweet dummies at Dunkin Donuts would give me a blueberry muffin instead of chocolate chip and ruin my day and life.

And for that reason I am out.

The flavor was…fine…I could get over the flavor. But the soft mush that I chewed was just wrong. Let this be a lesson to me to never give things a second chance.

Maybe, maybe I’d try a baked good with blueberry (quickly chased by a baked good with heavy doses of chocolate) just to see if the addition of sugar helps my taste buds. But my expectations are LOW.

Needless to say, you won’t catch me snacking on straight blueberries anytime soon! What summer produce do I need to try next? Let me know in the comments below or on Instagram @thepickyeaterchronicles.